Nine's blog

I just came back from the Chaos Communication Camp 2023. Five days of camping together with some 6000 geeks and nerds. I had never been to such a camp before and had little idea of what to expect and how anything there actually worked. After all, they do take the chaos part quite seriously. We arrived before it officially started, set up a tent, barbecued and didn't really do much else. This first night, the forecast light rain turned out to be a heavy thunderstorm for which I was definitely not prepared. The tent was filled with puddles and everything got wet. I didn't get much sleep and all I could do is add more coffee to keep functioning. Wandering through the camp, I saw people doing things, going on with their business, having business in the first place. To be honest I didn't know if I wanted to stay. I just felt tired and lost and didn't know what I was there for in the first place.

Now, looking back I wished it would go on for another week. While it took a while for me to get into the flow there, the more I did, the more I felt at home. Since the whole thing is organized by the Chaos Computer Club, people talk about it in terms of a hacker's gathering with no device being safe from your neighbours. It is true, there are a lot of smart and gifted people there. And while the very first interaction was indeed someone demonstrating that the car's solar battery was not protected from a potential attacker, this remained the only such occurance.

What I found mostly instead was people just being themselves. The atmosphere was incredibly inclusive. It didn't matter if you drove your self-built toy train, ran around with a bushy tail or made noises that few people would recognize as music. I have never seen so many trans people, cross dressers and just crazy t-shirts in a place before. While I have never suffered from societal discrimination, this atmosphere even had an impact on myself. I have always hated getting put into a box, even if it is a box with my name on it. Nevertheless at some point I have started doing that myself. There is this box describing a masculine metal head. Someone who keeps his cool. The distant observer. I like this box. I feel safe in this box.

One night I went out on my own, just browsing. There were a few places where people set up huge speakers, blasting out heavy beats to crowds. And then there was this one heavily overweight guy, with his little stand and undersized speakers DJing with visible passion and no audience. He played Rank 1's Airwave, a song I couldn't play enough when I got into Trance. Because I am not just a metal head. I also love dreamy electronic music. And I started to dance like I had not done in 15 years. I didn't care anymore that I was the only one there. That people would walk by, seeing me, thinking whatever about me. I didn't care that I was far outside my box. I loved every single song this guy played and I enjoyed them with all of my body.

I had taken a risk and it turned out to be not a risk at all. Because these people didn't care. I was just a guy enjoying himself and that was ok and why wouldn't it? Why indeed? It's almost comical how for someone smart and well reflected there can be a buge barrier that the rest of the world would not even see. It's beyond comprehension how much time and effort we put into building such cages for ourselves.

On Friday there was a workshop on how to crochet cat ears. We went there because it sounded obscure and it became almost a dare between us three guys to go there. And what can I say, I put more than 5 hours of effort into mine. They are far from perfect, but they are super cute and I love the violett/pinkish colors and on Saturday I wore them proudly and people kept smiling at me. Because this is also me. A part of me that had a chance to get out for the very first time and couldn't help but radiate the joy of being.